Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 3


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

Moving my stuff to Japan was an interesting experience, to say the least.
We had three 'portals' set up at both my home and in Japan, one for each
goddess to travel with.  You have not lived until you've seen a double bed
sticking out of a TV set.  I wish Skuld had warned me that my computer's
hard drive wouldn't survive the transit unwiped however, but I suppose it
may have been for the best considering some of the er...material I had on
it.

After the move was done, I was left on my own to settle in.  The goddesses
seemed to be avoiding me.  I found out later that they were trying to figure
out HOW to teach me what I needed to know.  (Or rather, how to convince
someone ELSE to teach me what I needed to know.) Whatever the reason, I
spent a lot of that first week with Keiichi.

Keiichi's a pretty cool guy, I must say.  Sure, he's a little (OK, he's A
LOT) awed by the fact that his girlfriend is a goddess, but I'd say he holds
up rather well, considering that he actually took religion seriously, unlike
a certain fledgling divinity we all know and love.

He was really good about helping me settle in, too.  When I insisted I
needed multiple plug-ins, he was more than happy to help me put in the
wiring.  (Actually, he mentioned something about not trusting Skuld to do
it.)

What truly amazed me about Keiichi was his understanding of cars.  If it had
wheels and ran on gas, he could take it apart and put it together with his
eyes closed.  In my opinion, the guy is simply wasted at NIT.  In fact, it
was while I was trying to help him install a radio into a teacher's car that
he gave me the (biased) rundown on my new housemates.

"So what do you think of them?" he asked after he finished, his head stuck
under the steering wheel.

I shrugged, and then felt like a twit when I realized he couldn't see me.
"I don't know.  Skuld's a good kid, if a little hot-tempered, Belldandy's as
sweet as they come, but Urd, well..."  I trailed off.  Keiichi lifted his
head up and smiled at me.

"She scares you?"

"NO!" I felt my face heat up, as Keiichi smiled a bit wider.  "Well, yes, a
little."  I grimaced.  "I'd like to think I've got enough control of my
libido that she's not going to put one over on me, but to be truthful, I was
never that good with girls."

Keiichi gave me a look full of sympathy, if a little confused. "I know what
you mean.  But I find it hard to believe.  I always had trouble with girls
because I'm so short.  What's your excuse?"

I pulled out my wallet and showed him some of my old photo ID.  He winced.
"These are some BAD pictures, Chris-san."  I smiled ruefully.

"Those are the good ones," I told him.  He got even more confused.  "Three
days ago I looked like that.  Be honest, Keiichi, you think a girl would go
for a guy who looked like that right off the start?"  He slowly shook his
head as understanding came to him.

"Good thing you're officially Urd's brother.  It might just slow her down."
He paused for a minute.  "Then again, it might not."  He shook his head.
"And I thought I had it rough."

Something occurred to me just then.  "Urd and Skuld give you two a pretty
hard time, don't they?"  Keiichi nodded.  "Would you rather they weren't
here?"

He pondered that for a moment.  "No," he said, stretching the word out.
"They're a part of what Belldandy is, and I do care for them," he paused,
"even if they do drive me up the wall.  Urd's constantly trying to get me
and Belldandy to...well...you know," he blushed, and I nodded, suppressing
the grin that wanted to come to my face.  Man, talk about poster children
for repressed sexuality.  "And Skuld's always trying to keep Belldandy and I
apart."

"I might be able to run interference," I mused as he returned to work on the
radio.  After a few moments, he pulled his head out and started the car.  He
fiddled with the radio, but nothing happened.

"I don't understand," he said, as he went back to look at the wiring.  "It
worked fine when I tested it before, and the wiring's all right."  I picked
up the manual, and winced as I realized what was wrong.

"Uh, Kei-ichi?"  He looked up at me.  "This is an anti-theft stereo.  You
didn't by any chance remember to set the codes when you tested it earlier?"
He shook his head, and I sighed.  "Oh, hell.  It's not going to work now, it
thinks its been stolen."  I went to the toolbox and pulled out some
precision screwdrivers.  "Take it out, I'll see if I can fix it."  Nice to
feel needed, hey?

***

One of the first things I discovered when training began was that the title
of 'Protector' wasn't just a name, it was my primary job description.  The
girls decided that since I was supposed to be a primarily martial god, I
should be trained by some of the heavy hitters.  The one I trained the most
with was Tyr.

The best analogy for Tyr I've ever seen is 'eye of a hurricane.'  Incredible
power and violence surrounding a core of absolute peace.  The guy is the
epitome of unfazeable, and the moment he gets into any combat he is death
incarnate.  This isn't to say he's a bad guy, he's just awfully scary at
times.  Tyr can be an incredibly gentle man, and is easily the most
honorable one I've ever met.  He's got no sense of humor, though.

Tyr stood in front of me, resplendent in his battle gear.  Tyr is roughly my
height, with short blonde hair and a deeply tanned face.  Now, with my new
body, I look pretty good.  As Urd puts it, I'm 'worth a third look.' Tyr has
'hunk' written all over him.  Chiseled physique, aristocratic face, strong
chin, blue eyes, the whole complement.  In fact, his only defect is the left
hand he's missing thanks to Fenris.  He's got a full complement of
artificial replacements, but he makes sure they don't look real just to
remind people that his honor means so much to him he was willing to lose a
hand.

His battle gear was impressive in and of itself.  A long silver mail shirt
ran down his torso, stopping at his thighs.  Single plates covered his
shoulders, upper arms, forearms, as well as his knees and shins.  His helmet
as a simple cap that with silver three-inch horns coming out of it.  In his
right hand, he held a large battle axe, with a three foot long haft and a
single large blade.  I prayed that I looked that good in my gear.

Our first lessons revolved around just that, my battle gear.  Apparently
somewhere in my file in Yggdrasil, there's a complete description of my
equipment.  The trick is making the contact with the system to summon it.
"As a Protector, you will have to be able to summon your gear with a
thought," Tyr told me.  "Close your eyes, and clear your mind.  Try to feel
for Yggdrasil.  I cannot tell you what it will be like.  Be careful that you
do not lose yourself in the power."

I closed my eyes, and tried to feel what he described.  At first, it took me
quite a while to clear my mind.  I stood there, my eyes closed, and tried to
search with my mind for the phenomenon he described.  It was frustrating at
first, since I could not feel anything, but eventually I discovered
something that felt like a small fountain.  I mentally reached for it, and
felt a slight euphoric feeling as it seemed to flow into me.  The feeling of
euphoria grew, and I realized that this was what Tyr was warning me off.
With great regret, I let the fountain go, and pulled away from it.  I opened
my eyes and nodded at Tyr.  "Found it," I said, both thrilled and terrified.
It was very hard to not lose myself in that fountain.

"Good," Tyr said flatly.  "Now, reach for the power, and wrap yourself in
it.  When you feel it surround you completely, release the source, and
harden the power around you."  As he spoke, I tried to do as he asked.  I
reached for the fountain, and felt the joy rise in me.  I fought to keep
control, and wrap the power around me.  It was a lot like I imagined
wrestling a snake was like.  After what seemed like an eternity of
struggling, I did as Tyr said.

I openned my eyes, and saw Tyr smiling at me.  "Well done."  I heard some
cheers from behind me, and saw Urd and Skuld watching.  Tyr conjured up a
mirror so I could see myself.

Describing my armor is no small task.  It was a full plate suit, but unlike
the bulky monstrosities in the history books, mine hugged my form.  It
seemed to be impossibly thin and flimsy, and didn't restrain my movements at
all.  Acrobatics wouldn't be hindered at all, assuming I could do
acrobatics.  I looked down at my metal encased body, watching the light play
off the bluish-green metal.  To tell the truth, I looked like something out
of a fairy tale.

Well, that is, except for my arms.  On each of my forarms, instead of the
standard plates, there were two large shield-like weapons.  On my left arm,
the shield was a foot-radius half circle and a triangle joined together, the
triangle tapering down to a sharp point just a few inches past the tips of
my fingers.  The one on my right arm was much longer, and thinner, an oval
that barely covered the arm and extended out to a tip at least three feet
past the end of my hand.

I held up my arms to Tyr.  "What the hell are these?"

Tyr took my right arm and helped me remove the weapon.  He turned it about,
and showed me some writing on the inside.  "They are proof that you are a
warrior god.  Each of us has a special weapon, that is truly ours and ours
alone."  He held the weapon closer to my face, and on it I could see the
word etched in that strange runic language.  "Yours are the twin arm-blades
Shielder."

He returned the weapon to me, and I re-attached it to my forearm.  "Now
what?"

Tyr smiled at me again, and I couldn't help but think it was a bit sinister.
"Now you do it again and again, until it becomes a reflex."  As the sick
feeling of dread set itself into my bones, I sighed.  I just KNEW he'd say
that.

***

My second week was spent practicing the armor summoning.  As Tyr put it, I
had to be able to do it anywhere, anytime, with no preparation.  The
goddesses had great fun 'helping,' as they put it.  Urd took great delight
surprising me in the shower, on the john, and in the wee hours of the
morning.  Skuld wasn't much better.  She got me while I was eating,
drinking, working...  I drew the line after Skuld made me put my sword
through my computer monitor when she got me in the middle of reading email.

The scariest one was Belldandy.  She had this uncanny knack for knowing just
when I least expected her to get me, and that's when she struck.  We could
be in the middle of a conversation, and she'd say "Now" without breaking
stride, and I'd have to completely change mental gears.

By the end of the week I could summon my armor on the drop of a pin.  I was
also so used to dealing with the fountain of power I barely noticed the
euphoric feeling it gave me.

I was also a complete and total nervous wreck.

Lucky me, it didn't end there.  For the next few months, I spent my days at
the office (8 to 6, Monday to Friday, my ass, someone call the Human Rights
people) and I spent my nights and weekends being run around the temple yard
by Tyr and some of his cronies.

Now, as one of the 'boys,' I think I can safely say the warrior gods are a
rowdy bunch, to put it mildly.  I'm still convinced the only reason they all
agreed to Urd's request to train me was that they were getting bored of
beating the crap out of each other, and wanted some fresh meat.   Namely,
yours truly.

What did this mean?  Every day, I got to have my butt kicked by a different
god.  First Thor, then Heimdall (man, them gold teeth are a sight), then
Ull, Magni, and Thrudr.  Thrudr was fun to train with, partially because she
was drop-dead gorgeous, partially because she was the sweetest person you'd
ever met (besides, she gave GREAT after-practice rubdowns).  Nasty temper
though, almost as bad as her jerk of a brother, Modi.

It's probably obvious that I don't think much of Modi.  Modi's official
title is the God of Courage.  I think he's a menace.  And I have a good
reason, too...

***

It was a Saturday afternoon.  I was being pummeled by Modi with that
monstrosity he calls a sword.  If you can call something five feet long that
looks like a steel two-by-four a sword.  I was finally getting better, and
had managed to block everything he was throwing at me.  As he fought, I
realized that I might be able to strike back.  Seeing an opening, I did, and
cut him across the cheek.

That was when I found out the Modi's unofficial title is 'The Berserker.'
His face turned red, and his god marks seemed to blaze with fire.  He began
to swing at me harder and faster, so that I could barely defend myself.
Tyr, who was watching, yelled at me to get away from him, and I did so.
Modi turned around and picked up chunks of dirt and rocks and began to throw
them at me.

Now, thanks to the fact I had spent the past few months being beat up by
several gods, I was pretty good at taking a hit.  I was also a reasonably
good dodger.  I was nowhere near their level - after all, they've been
practicing for thousands of years.  So, on Tyr's advice, I tried to put as
much distance between me and him as possible, in the hopes I could dodge the
crap he was throwing at me.

It was a good idea on Tyr's part to put up the shield around the practice
area.  I mean, with Thor tossing lightning, Heimdall throwing fireballs, and
assorted other destructive forces raging around, if we didn't put one up,
we'd have destroyed the city.  Boss would not be pleased.  Needless to say,
neither would our neighbors.

Skuld had taken a liking to watching the practice, and sat outside the
shield, working on her mecha whilst I fought.  We thought she was safe.  I
mean, nothing could get through the shield, right?

Wrong.  As I watched, Modi picked up a boulder and hurled it at me.  I
dodged, and it impacted the shield, passing through it unstopped in a burst
of light.  I could only watch as it flew towards Skuld, who stood frozen.

"SKULD!!!" I yelled, and tried to run to her.  Time seemed to slow down and
stop, as I saw the boulder fly closer and closer to her, and realized it was
impossible for me to get there in time.  Something in me snapped.