Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 7


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

I love my schedule.  Tuesdays and Thursdays especially.  Sure, I have to get
up bright and early, but at least I get the afternoon off.  Unfortunately, I
have these three sisters who are suffering under the delusion that this
means I'm all theirs.

And my classmates wonder why I laugh when they say I'm lucky to be related
to those three.

Somehow, I got roped into going to watch another of those races the idiots
at Keiichi's Motor Club participate in.  Before you ask, no, I don't think
much of that club.  Call me silly, but I believe before you go designing
vehicles you should have at least ONE mechanical engineer on the staff.  Or
one Skuld, but they don't let her at the blueprints for some reason.

So while Keiichi parked his bike, I landed, Skuld hopped out of a puddle I
made with a water bottle and Urd stepped out of the portable TV I brought.
The girls love this little arrangement.  I have to admit, it does bring a
whole new meaning to the phrase 'at the last second.'  I just want to know
exactly when I volunteered to be their chauffeur, as it were.

We met up with the lovebirds (I don't know WHY they blush when I call them
that) and walked through the crowds, heading towards the Motor Club tent.
This was my first introduction to some of the stuff the girls have to go
through every time they go out in public.

"All right!  Belldandy's here!"  She smiled kindly and nodded to the men who
greeted her.  I growled at them.

"Urd's here too! Yow!"  Urd, well, acted like Urd.  Somehow the word flirt
doesn't come close to the way she acts around men.  I would have growled at
them, but it hurts Urd's feelings when I do that.

"Angel and Morisato too.  Hmm...too bad."  Keiichi grumbled while Skuld and
I laughed.  He was dating one of the most beautiful women on campus, and he
expected to be popular with the guys?  Not bloody likely.

"CHRIS!"

I stopped, stunned, and looked down at Skuld.  "When did I get a fan club?"
I asked her.  She shrugged, and pointed off to the side.  Looking in the
direction she indicated, I had just enough time to notice a policeman's
uniform before I was...well...glomped on.

Look, you find a single word to describe what happens when an attractive
woman jumps at you, knocks you off your feet, and initiates lip-lock.  Get
back to me, I want to know.  Until then, I'm going to call it glomping.

To say my thought processes were in disarray would be an understatement.  To
say I was frigging confused, however, would be more or less on the mark.  It
took what felt like forever for some observations to filter into my brain.
Feminine curves.  Very nice ones.  Soft arms that were stronger than they
looked.  Red-brown hair.  A tongue like a battering ram.

Brain to body:  *Hey, it's Ami.  And man, can she kiss!*

Body to brain: *Congratulations, dimwit, I knew that.  Now, shut up, I'm
enjoying this.*

I had that little internal argument going on for a while, until they finally
agreed that as fun as this was, I kind of needed to breathe.  Taking Ami by
the shoulders, I pushed her away from me.  "Hi Ami," I gasped.  "Greet all
your friends that way?"

"Just the ones I really like," she cheerfully replied, and then a spark lit
in her eyes.  "Besides, you're not just my friend, you're my boyfriend."
She rolled off me and got to her feet.  I looked at the sky, or rather, what
I could see of it though the gawkers.

Where exactly did Urd get that camcorder from?

"All right, show's over," Ami commanded, her affectionate nature submerged
under a mask of authority.  "Come on, move!  Can't a girl say hi to her
boyfriend?"  I got to my feet and sighed.

"Aaammmiii," I whined softly, so what no one else could hear.  I'm good at
whining.  I spend long hours practicing my whine.  It's an art form, you
see.  "I am NOT your boyfriend!  Remember the third piece of your little
wish?"  She looked at me, and I saw a rather disconcerting change.  Ami the
cop becomes Ami the girlfriend.  Creeped me out.  "How can you call me your
boyfriend when Rachel's involved in this too?"

Poor Rachel.  We hadn't even gone on our first date, and the poor girl was
already involved with me by decree of Yggdrasil.  Sometimes life sucks.  I
expect that's somewhere in the source code of the universe too.

"I'm hedging my bets," she said seriously.  I decided not to argue with her
at that point.  Something about her demeanor told me it would be a bad plan.

Time to change the subject. "So you're a cop?"  I REALLY have to read that
dossier.  "What are you doing here?"

"Crowd control," she responded.  She yelled over to one of the other cops
that she was going on break, and we walked after the goddesses, while I
tried to reconcile the image of the overly affectionate girl I knew with the
image of a cop dealing with a rowdy crowd of race-goers.  A girl her height,
no less.

Look, we've established I'm obsessed with height, haven't we?

We reached the booth, and I was struck by a rather amusing sight.  Tamiya
and Ootaki were staring slack-jawed at the booth bunnies that were wandering
around, and Keiichi was trying very hard not to.  He was succeeding, too.
Of course, Belldandy's painful grip on his ear might have had something to
do with that.

I'd also like to point out I had enough control of myself to NOT stare
(much).  I was rather proud of that.  Especially since I had the feeling
that if I had stared (much), I would have been dealing with a rather angry
policewoman.

Maybe I should explain to you all my definition of girlfriend:  The female
you report to.  I've found it makes dealing with women so much easier when I
keep that in mind.  It also helps me avoid doing things that might get me in
trouble.

After the guys regained control of their libidos (in other words, several
minutes later), we went out to the pit area, where they had the go-kart
ready for Belldandy to race.  Something bothered me about that kart, and it
took me a few minutes to figure it out.  It looked...right.  Well built.
Not a bit of the usual Motor Club jerry-rigging.

"Hey, Tamiya," I called the giant over.  "Did you guys build that thing from
scratch?"

"Uhh, nope," he admitted.  "Bought a kit.  Real good one too."  Well, that
explains that.

I went and sat down out of the way with Skuld and Ami.  Keiichi helped
Belldandy into the kart, and gave her a quick pep-talk.  I saw a couple
Americans show up and razz the two.  "Who's that?" I wondered out loud.

"Diana Lockheed and David Proter.  He's one of the top stock car racers in
the US, she's the champion of the US go-kart circuit," Ami answered.  I
raised an eyebrow at her, and she blushed a little.  "Well, I kind of know a
bit about the racing scene."

"Right," I said condescendingly.  "And you just HAPPENED to be on duty for
this little event."  She blushed a little more and I sighed.  *Oh well, so
she's got one little fault,* I mused to myself.  Skuld caught my glance and
made a show of rolling her eyes.  *Man, I'm going to have such fun when she
starts dating.*  "So how'd two pros get in with an amateur event?"

Ami shrugged and made hushing noises at me as the race began.  We watched as
Belldandy pulled ahead to an early lead, then spun out on the first turn.
Awfully amateurish error to make, in my opinion.  "Skuld," I asked the teen
beside me, "does Belldandy know how to drive?"  Skuld shook her head
vigorously, and I groaned.  "This is going to be fun."

Belldandy got back on the track, and was about two car-lengths behind that
Yankee girl (look, I'm Canadian, all Americans are Yankees in my books).
She seemed to be doing a little better, but she wasn't gaining much on the
other driver.  As the two rounded a curve, I realized why.  Belldandy was
copying the other driver!

Quickly, I murmured a spell under my breath.  "Glow with rays for only my
sight, let all magic be revealed with light!"  Neat spell that.  A sort of
grey film dropped over my view, and I looked around.  There was Ami, beside
me, a soft white glow around her - the effects of her wish.  Skuld was
glowing a brilliant blue. Looking down at my hands, I saw I was doing the
same, but there were flickers of white running through the glow.  The spell
was working, so I took a look at Belldandy.

The girl was glowing blue as I expected, and there were a few streaks of
white, but around her there was a faint aura of purple.  "That cheat," I
breathed.  "I never knew she had it in her."  The purple glow told me
Belldandy was using one of her inherent abilities - clairvoyance.  By
watching what Lockheed was doing, she was able to do the exact same thing!

As they came upon the final lap, Belldandy pulled ahead to win the race.  I
went over to congratulate her (after being put through Ami's version of a
goodbye - she had to go back to work), and caught the end of a conversation
between Tamiya and Keiichi.  Something about the rather extravagant
expenditures Tamiya had made for the race.  Belldandy caught the end of that
speech too, and her cheerful disposition was dashed away.

"Nice work, Bell," I said, and she gave me a wan little smile, and went to
wish Keiichi good luck in his heat.  He took it with little grace, and
climbed into the kart for his heat.  *What's his problem?* I wondered.
Belldandy went to change, her face etched with worry.  She returned a few
moments later dressed in tights, a short skirt, and a leather jacket.  It
looked like something Urd would wear.

Speak of the devil, and she appears.  Urd came up and congratulated her
sister with a knowing smile on her face.  My turn. "You," I sternly said to
Belldandy, "cheat.  Don't you feel even a little guilty?"  She blushed a
little.

"Oh, come on, 'Niichan," Urd defended, "she was just keeping the playing
field level."

"Yeah, Oniichan, Belldandy didn't do anything wrong," Skuld said from behind
me.

Three against one, I was in trouble.  Too bad I didn't see it.  "You have
GOT to be kidding me!  And how exactly was that Lockheed woman supposed to
have a chance?  She wasn't competing against Belldandy the woman, she was
competing against Belldandy the goddess!"

Belldandy looked down at the ground, and spoke softly.  "Keiichi-san needed
me to win."

Leave it to a female to ruin a perfectly good argument.

I threw up my hands in disgust, and went to watch Keiichi's race, trailed by
the goddesses.  Keiichi was doing great, coming up fast from the back of the
ranks.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a flash.  Looking over, I saw
Aoshima signaling someone with a mirror.  Almost immediately, Urd started
yelling about some jerk in kart 666.

I whipped by gaze back to the race, and saw Keiichi being harassed by some
jerk.  The guy was more interested in screwing up Keiichi than he was in
driving a good race.  Conclusion: Aoshima paid somebody off.  *One of these
days I'm going to be able to prove his little games and then I'm going
to...well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but it'll be nasty,* I promised
myself.

Sometimes, Urd is brilliant.  This was not one of those times.  She flipped
Belldandy's skirt up 'for inspiration.'  It inspired Keiichi all right.  It
inspired him to drive straight off the side of the track.   On the upside,
the guy in kart 666 also went off the track.  The rest of the Motor Club
went into gales of laughter, and even I snickered, more at the cause of the
accident than the accident itself.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be the first (OK, maybe the second, after Keiichi)
to say that Belldandy is beautiful.  But grown men being mesmerized by the
sight of Belldandy in tights is a little ridiculous, if you ask me.  Am I
the only male in Japan who can control himself?

Keiichi climbed back into his car, and went to continue the race, but he was
wandering all over the track.  He seemed to be fighting the kart every inch
of the way.  "Oh man," Ootaki groaned, "his alignment's all screwed up!  And
we don't have time for a pit in!"

"Only one thing to do, sis," Urd said with a gleam in her eye.  She and
Belldandy began to chant.  "Wild rampaging steed...Let thy wounded forelegs
be healed!"  I felt a tug on my jacket, and I looked down into Skuld's
panicked face.

"Quick," she said, "Take cover!"  She began to drag me off to hid behind a
nearby stack of hay bales (What do you think they use at go-kart tracks?).
"Urd's improvising, and that's trouble."

I gave Skuld an amused glance.  "You are hardly one to talk, Skuld."  She
returned an irritated glare.

The two goddesses were still chanting.  "Calm thy raging heart and
race...Forward, forward, o'er the road beyond."  Belldandy stopped, and
staggered a bit, looking drained.

"And let thyself run...Wild and free!"  Urd finished, pointing at the kart.

"Urd no!  What did you say?" Belldandy demanded.  Urd said nothing, and
merely looked in satisfaction at the kart and Keiichi.

I followed her gaze, and saw the kart zooming around the track at impossible
speeds.  Go-karts just don't go that fast!  Keiichi was screaming bloody
murder, and the other drivers could only look on in shock as Keiichi's kart
passed them like they were standing still.

"Chris, we have to do something!"  Skuld insisted.

"What can I do?" I asked her, and winced as Keiichi rocketed around a
corner.  The way he was being tossed about, I was hurting just from watching
it.  "If I try to pull him out, either I'll get clobbered or he'll be
killed.   Basic physics, remember?"  It was a moot point anyway, as Keiichi
whipped over the finish line and went on to crash into some more hay bales.
"Yeesh," I hissed.  "That's gotta hurt."

I was about to go see if Keiichi needed help, when I felt a strong grip on
my arm, and I was whirled around.  I registered Rachel's presence mere
moments before she would up and slapped me.  "Playboy!" she growled, and ran
off.

I held my cheek and and watched her disappear.  "Oh hell," I cursed, and
looked down at my sister.  "See ya later, Skuld," I told her as I went to
follow Rachel.

I had SO much explaining to do...and I didn't even know where to start.  How
do you tell a girl the guy who asked her out is a god?

***

"Rachel, just listen!"

"Get away from me, you casanova!"

"Aww, come on, just let me explain!"

"I saw everything, playboy," she growled, and began to walk away.  Again.
For the fifth time.

I was getting really tired of this game.  I froze time, walked around to in
front of her, and set it going again.  "Damnit, LISTEN to me!"  Well THAT
worked.  She slapped me, and tried to storm off once more.

Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze.  "Will you calm down already?" Slap.  Turn, walk
away.  Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze.  "It's not what it seems!" Pause. Slap.
Turn, walk away.  *Cool, I'm getting to her.*  Freeze. Walk. Summon armor.
Un-freeze.  "There's a good explanation?"  LONG pause.  Hand lifted up to
slap.  Dropped.  Turn, walk away.  Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze. Smirk at her
shocked expression.  "Are you ready to listen to me now?"

Rachel put her hands to her mouth, and stared at me in horror.  "What ARE
you?"

"A god," I told her simply.  Why not start with the truth?

I don't know what I expected from her.  Disbelief, I could expect.  Anger
(and another slapping), highly likely.  Laughter, unlikely, but sure.
Prostrating herself in front of me and begging forgiveness, not in a million
years.  "I'm so sorry, my lord, I didn't mean to hit you!  Please forgive
me!"

I looked around frantically, and saw a couple people gawking.  *This seems
to be my day for entertaining people.*  I banished my armor, knelt down to
Rachel and lifted her up by her shoulders.  "PLEASE don't do that, it's
humiliating."  I helped her stand, and scowled as she cast her eyes to the
ground.  "Stop that," I said peevishly.  *Hmm...let's try laughter.*  "I'm
still Chris, you know.  The devilishly handsome guy who asked you out?  The
brilliant engineer who takes delight in arguing with that dimwit of a
sociology prof?  The..."

"...Guy with an ego the size of a soccer field?" she snidely finished for
me, then gasped, covering her mouth with her hands again.  "I'm so sorry!"

I sighed and grumbled something about stupid patriarchal societies.  I was
willing to bet the girls never had to go through this.  An attractive girl
tells you she's a goddess, and if she proves it, everything's hunky-dory.
Not me, oh no.  I had a sudden understanding why it was called the GODDESS
Relief Office.  It's too much trouble for the guys.

Another heartfelt sigh from me.  "Rachel, you have nothing to apologize
for - I deserved that.  I'm still the 22 year old college student who was
nervous about asking you out.  I'm still the guy who wants to go out with
you."

That put her back on familiar territory.  "You're also the jerk who was
rolling around with that tramp earlier."

"Ami is NOT a tramp!  She's a nice girl, just...enthusiastic."  I blushed as
Rachel gave me a hard glare.  "OK, VERY enthusiastic."

"If she's such a nice girl, why the hell did you ask me out?" she demanded.

Today seems to be my days for sighs.  "Because I hadn't met her yet." As the
words left my mouth, I mentally kicked myself.  *Idiot.* "Wait, let me
rephrase that."

"So you like her better?  Then go date her, you jerk, and leave me alone!"
Rachel turned to leave, and I panicked.

"I don't WANT to date her!  I want to date YOU!"  She whirled, and looked at
me in disbelief.

"You weren't exactly fighting her off!"

Whoa, time to get a third party in here.  I looked around, and spotted a guy
reading on a nearby bench.  "One second." I walked over to the guy, and
Rachel followed.  "Hey, settle something for us.  Hypothetical: an
attractive woman comes out of nowhere, tackles you, and kisses you like
you've never been kissed before.  Do you resist?"

The guy looked at me in confusion. "Uhh...no?"  I grinned at him.

I thanked him and moved off a ways with Rachel.  "It's not like that happens
to me every day - I was kind of shocked."

Rachel scowled at me, but I saw she had let that one go.  "Then why is that
trollop chasing you?"

I started to sweat a little.  "Umm...well, I'm a god, right?"  I saw her
eyes widen a little as she recalled that fact, and I hastily continued.
"Not THE God, a god.  I'm not much of one, either, I've only been doing this
for a few months."

"What do you mean, a few months?"

"OK, one of the jobs I have is this thing called Wish Fuffillment..."

***

After I finished, Rachel said nothing for a long while.  "Why don't you just
tell her no?  That she had her chance, and she lost?"

"Uh..Rachel, we haven't even gone out yet," I pointed out uncomfortably.
"Besides, that's not how it works."

"Oh? How does it work?"

"I don't know," I said honestly.  "As far as my sisters can tell, the
definition of a 'chance' is pretty vague."  I looked miserably at the
ground.  "All I wanted was to ask a pretty girl out, and stop another one
from crying.  Now the second is throwing herself at me and the first wants
nothing to do with me."

Next thing I knew, Rachel had grabbed me by the front of my shirt and was
kissing me fiercely.  After what seemed like forever, she let me go, and
looked me in the eyes sternly.  "Tomorrow.  Eight o'clock.  You WILL be
there."  She turned and walked away, leaving me stunned in her wake.

I was bewildered.  Again.  I tried to work my mouth to say something.

"Gah?"

I will NEVER understand women.